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More than a Sandwich

by Louis on November 17, 2008

Unfortunately this blog has become more than overdue.

The general use of ‘sandwich generation’ is the parents above and children below. I was planning to write about the ‘sidewards’ pressure we sandwich generation folks feel from siblings. The impetus was calls from my sister, who as the daughter in our hometown has been the primary, ever on the spot caregiver through both my parents’ final years.

I know my role was to listen and be supportive. The only and barely adequate role I can fulfill easily. There was no reason to expect sympathy from her for the guilt and helplessness I felt. After all it was not about me. It was either about Dad (most of the time) or about her a fair amount of the time (fair to me – my ‘effort’ was a much smaller part of my time than her part was of her time).

Yet that intellectual understanding of these tangled relationships does not mean I did not feel badly and often wanted to be defensive.

Well, dad has passed away. The specifics of that guilt have moved on to the time I should have spent with him and the things I should have done for him and the questions I never asked. In tribute to my dad, a really great guy who did so much to set me on my course in life, who I miss a whole lot AND to all sides of the sandwich generation, those who do so much and those are not there as much, I include here a picture of my dad, Milton Tenenbaum, who died November 7, 6 1/2 weeks shy of his 90th birthday.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Age in Place November 21, 2008 at 2:28 pm


My condolences on the passing of your Dad. I know there are no words to comfort such a loss. Just know that there are people around you (virtually or physically) who empathize with what you have gone through. Our thoughts are with you and your family.

Mark Hager


Hoechstetter Interiors January 30, 2009 at 10:47 pm


You have my deepest sympathies on the passing of your father. He looks like he was a wonderful, kind man, and I hope that the passage of time will ease your pain.



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